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笛安丨《圆寂》

推荐理由

“圆寂”是佛家高僧离世时的用语，取“诸德圆满、诸恶寂灭”之意。小说描写的就是一个名字与“圆寂”二字重音的乞丐——袁季的故事，因此，带有强烈的象征意味。

袁季生来便无四肢，替代手脚的是肩膀和大腿根部四个小小的肉团，他的身长也只有正常人的一半，没有行动能力，只能用身体的力量挪着前进。他生活的全部内容就是终日坐在一把小小的椅子上向路人乞讨。他忍受着人们注视自己时那惊愕、同情或是厌恶的眼神，不得不像猫和狗那样直接用嘴吃盘子里的饭。

他经历了鄙视、冷眼和欺凌，怀疑自己是否还有存在的意义。当行乞多年的他蒙镜通法师相救，并且意外得知自己的名字与佛家用语“圆寂”二字同音时，猛然顿悟——也许，人生原本就是一场修行。于是，他学会原谅一切、放下一切，开始坦然、平静地面对自己的生活。他仿佛成了龙城里“会呼吸的佛”，他用坦然和安详净化了昔日的朋友普云，同时也感染着龙城里的芸芸众生。

小说写得冷静平和、饱满大气、进退有据，既充分展现了年轻作家笛安扎实的艺术功力，又迸发出超越心灵的力量。

Reviews

“Yuanji”, the homonym of the protagonist’s name, is the word used to describe the passing of a senior monk, meaning  “all goodness fulfilled, all evilness dissipated”, that is, attaining nirvana. As a result, this story is symbolic from the very beginning.

Yuanji was born without limbs—no arms, no legs. He is only half the height of a normal-sized person and can only move with the strength of his entire body. His life consists of sitting on a small chair all day long and begging. He has to endure the look of shock, pity or disgust from people. He needs to eat with his mouth from a dish like a cat or a dog.

Yuanji experiences contempt, coldness, and bullying from many people. As a result, he doubts whether there is any meaning to his life. After begging for many years, he is saved by Buddhist Master Jingtong, and he learns that his name and the Buddhist term “Yuanji” are homonyms. Suddenly, he feels that perhaps his life does have a meaning. After this discovery, he learns to forgive everything, forget everything, and focus on being calm in the face of life. He becomes City of Dragon’s “Breathing Buddha,” purifying his friend Puyun and influencing many people in the city with his calmness and serenity.

The short story is written in a calm, atmospheric, and deliberate manner. On display is the young writer’s artistry and skill, which creates a tale that resonates on many levels with the reader.

作家简介

Author Profile

笛安，女，原名李笛安，1983年生于山西太原，2001年毕业于太原五中，同年考入山西大学历史系历史学专业。2002年赴法留学，在巴黎索邦大学学习社会学，2010年获得硕士学位。现任“最世文化公司”签约作家，《文艺风赏》杂志主编。

2003年开始发表作品，著有长篇小说《告别天堂》《芙蓉如面柳如眉》《东霓》《南音》《西决》（《东霓》《南音》与《西决》合称“龙城三部曲”）等七部作品，中短篇小说《圆寂》《莉莉》《怀念小龙女》《迷蝴蝶》《塞纳河不结冰》等近二十部作品。另著有散文《残羹夜宴》《曼佐先生》《风花雪月》等。

Li Di’an, also known as Di’an, was born in 1983, in the city of Taiyuan, Shanxi Province in China. After her graduation from Taiyuan No. 5 Middle School in 2001, she was admitted into the History Department at Shanxi University in the same year. In 2002 she went to Paris-Sorbonne University to study sociology, where she earned a Master’s Degree in 2010. Di’an is currently a contract writer for the ZUI World Culture Development Lt. and an editor for ZUI Found magazine.

As an active writer since 2003, she has published seven novels, including Farewell Paradise, A Lotus like Face, and the Memory in the Trilogy of the City of Dragon. Her short stories include Attaining Nirvana, Lily, In Memory of the Little Dragon Maiden, The Lost Butterfly, and River Seine Never Freezes. In addition, she has published several essays, such as The Remains of the Banquet, Mr. Manzo, and Wind, Flower, Snow and Moon. 

中文概要

Synopsis

在自己行乞的第五个年头，袁季第一次见到普云。

那是一个初夏的早晨，阳光明媚。

　　一个有一对水灵灵的大眼睛的小姑娘惊喜地出现在他面前，问他：“你是变形金刚吗？”她应该只有四五岁那么大。难得地，袁季可以不用抬头，就能看着她的脸。那正是那部名叫《变形金刚》的动画片风靡的时候，在每一天的某个特定的时刻，主题曲都会在这个城市的每个角落响起。袁季看着她美好娇嫩的脸庞，笑了，用一种非常肯定的语气说：“我是。”

　　小女孩笑了，露出来了两颗尖尖的小虎牙，迟疑地走近他，一不小心，她的小鞋子碰到了袁季放在面前的铁盒子，她仔细地看了看铁盒子里的几枚硬币，然后看着他的眼睛，坚定地说：“你是在卖钱，对吧？”

　　“卖钱？”袁季愣了一下，顿时明白了她的意思，在她的逻辑里，既然有人卖雪糕，有人卖面人，有人卖苹果，那么如果有一个人支个小摊子卖硬币或者钞票，也不是不可以理解的。于是他说：“算是吧。”

这下小女孩满意了，因为她所有的疑问都有了合理的解释。她伸出小手，轻轻地碰了碰袁季露在汗衫外面的残臂，她说：“这个是什么呀？”

但是她马上找到了答案：“你要用手的时候，你的手就会从这个里面伸出来，对不对？”

袁季摇了摇头，突然间，悲从中来：“我的手从来就没有从这里面伸出来过，我从来就没有见过我的手到底是什么样子的。”

“怎么会呢？”她歪着脑袋，“可能你出了什么故障了，得送去修。”

她柔软的小手轻轻地抚摸着他肩膀下面的肉团，那种微妙的轻柔的感觉让袁季突然间觉得深深的惆怅。他低下头，仔细地打量着她的小手，白皙的，嫩嫩的，五个小小的指甲盖上残留着凤仙花晕染过的暗红色。那是他有生以来第一次如此放心大胆地凝视别人的手，没有人知道他对这样人人都有的东西存着多么巨大的好奇。可是他从来没有对任何人说过：让我好好看看你的手，行吗？他不敢。他从来不敢这么说。他从来就不敢放心大胆地把自己心里的盼望对别人说出来。

“你叫什么名字？”他问小女孩。

“我叫张普云。”小家伙一板一眼地说出自己名字的样子很可爱。

“你家住哪儿？”

“普云巷。”小女孩似乎对关于自己的事情一点兴趣也没有，于是转移了话题，“你的手长成这样，你怎么吃饭呢？”

“像动物那样，直接用嘴。”他说。

“那要是你的后背痒了，你该怎么挠痒痒呢？”普云瞪大了眼睛。

“忍着。”袁季笑了。

“忍着？”普云点了点头，“真了不起。”

“没有办法，很多的事情我都得忍着。”袁季解释着。

“那——”普云脸上突然有点不好意思，她把嘴凑到他的耳朵边，悄声地问：“那你怎么擦屁股？”

“这是我的秘密，不能说。”袁季的样子一本正经。于是普云就自然而然地被唬住了。

就这样，他们算是认识了。

普云的家离袁季行乞的地方并不远。那个普云巷也是类似于袁季住的胡同那样的，集中了很多的平房的小巷。之所以叫普云巷，是因为那个地方有个龙城非常著名的寺院，普云寺。很古老的庙宇，很旺的香火。不过这些都是袁季后来才知道的。

从那之后，普云常常到袁季这里来玩一会儿，不一定每天都来，但总是隔三差五。直到有一天，袁季不得不离开了平时行乞的地点。那个时候他遗憾地想，也不知道当普云找不到他的时候，会不会失望。

During his fifth year as a beggar, on an early summer morning under a shining sun, Yuanji first met Puyun.

A young girl of only four or five with radiant eyes surprisingly appeared before him and asked, “Are you a Transformer?” Rarely could he look at someone without lifting his head, but because of the girl’s small size Yuanji was able to stare directly at her face. The cartoon Transformers was popular at this time, and each day, at a particular moment, the cartoon’s theme song could be heard all throughout the city. Yuanji looked at the child’s delicate face, smiled, and emphatically answered, “I am a Transformer.”

The little girl smiled, revealing two tiny canine teeth, cautiously approached Yuanji and accidently bumped into the iron box in front of him with her small shoes. She carefully looked at the coins inside of the box, stared into his eyes, and enthusiastically asked, “You are selling money, right?”

“Selling money?” For a moment, Yuanji froze, but then he suddenly understood her meaning. From the child’s logic it made sense: some people sell ice cream, others sell dough, or apples and so on; of course some people might also sell coins and banknotes. He responded, “Yes, I am.”

The girl was easily satisfied because all of her questions were answered. Next, she stretched out her hand and gently touched the deformed, handless arm exposed from underneath his T-shirt. Pointing, she asked, “What is this?”

Before he could answer, she answered her own question, “When you want to use your hand, your hand just comes out from under the T-shirt, is that right?”

Yuanji shook his head. Suddenly, sadness overcame him, and he added, “My hand has never come out from inside my shirt. I’ve never seen what my hand is really like.”

“How could that be?” She tilted her head, confused. “There must be something wrong; you should go get it fixed.”

The girl softly stroked the stub below his shoulder, and her delicate, tender touch suddenly caused Yuanji to feel deeply melancholic. He bowed his head and looked at her white and soft hands, whose five small nails were each painted with a faint, dark, red balsamine. This was the first time in his life that he dared to boldly stare at another person’s hands. No one knew this, but he was extremely curious about this one thing that everyone has but he does not. He had never had the courage to simply ask someone: “May I please see your hands?” He simply did not dare to ask this of anyone, he never dared to speak out what was in his heart.  

“What is your name?” He asked the little girl.

“My name is Zhang Puyun,” she carefully and adorably enunciated.

“Where do you live?”

“Puyun Alley.” Seemingly uninterested in talking about herself, she quickly changed the subject, “With your hand this way, how do you eat?”

“Like an animal does, just using my mouth.”

“What if your back itches? How do you scratch yourself?” Puyun asked, staring.

“I just accept it,” Yuanji laughed.

“You just accept it?” She asked, nodding. “You really are something!”

“Many things I cannot change and must just accept,” he explained.

“Um…” Puyun’s face suddenly went red, she got close to Yuanji’s ear and quietly asked, “Then…how do you clean yourself?”

“This is my secret, I am not able to share,” Yuanji humorlessly answered, intimidating Puyun.

This is how Yuanji and Puyun first met.

Puyun’s home was not far from where Yuanji begged. In fact, Puyun’s home was quite similar to Yuanji’s, both being in narrow alleys lined with many small homes. It was called Puyun Alley because it was the location of a very famous temple in the City of Dragon named Puyun. The temple was ancient and always had a lot of worshipers, but only later would Yuanji discover this.

From that day forward Puyun would often come to where Yuanji begged—not every day, but from time to time. This continued until one day Yuanji had to move to a new spot. At that time he regretfully wondered whether Puyun would be disappointed when she was no longer able to find him.